And All That We Forgave
by Max Phrost
Summary: A young Unovan trainer recounts the journey he's taken so far.  Nuzlocke, One-Shot


**Author's Note: Hey, I haven't written anything in a while. I put this together in one night over the course of a few hours. I hope you enjoy it, but if you don't feel free to drop a review telling me what's wrong. I'd love to get some opinions on this. **

**Basically, in the world of the Nuzlocke Challenge, a young trainer recounts the journey he's taken so far.**

And All That We Forgave

I used to wholeheartedly believe that leaving Nuvema would bring me nothing but joy and freedom. The crisp, cool air of Route One stirred my heart from a very young age and made me yearn to follow it. I found the little rural town, with its residents scattered about and separated by miles of nothing, incredibly stifling. There was nothing for me there, as far as my younger self was concerned. Just boring fields, a family too busy to pay me much mind, and an old Herdier far past its prime. Lying on my roof, I'd stare into the clouds and count the planes that flew overhead, willing myself to somehow teleport to them.

My parents were initially rather skeptical about my desire to become a trainer. They told me it didn't seem like a good fit -that I'd never really taken an interest in Pokémon before and they didn't see any reason for me to begin to then. In their eyes, I would never be able to take care of myself. As the fourth of eventually seven children, I'd been surrounded by other people my entire life. The concept of being alone was completely new to me. I fought them on every detail whenever I could get their attention, ignoring diplomatic argument and logical reasoning in favor of the good old-fashioned "But mom, I want it!" approach to getting what I wanted. After months of wearing them down, they gave up trying to fight me and let me have what I wanted.

I put off calling the Professor for a trainer's license and setting up a meeting with her for as long as I could, more due to laziness than anxiety. Procrastination was one of my biggest flaws; I'd failed many a test in school due to last-minute study sessions. Granted, my lack of intelligence likely played a role in that as well. When I eventually got around to contacting the Professor and obtaining a license, she told me that I was too late to receive the next batch of starter Pokemon. Three trainers were leaving in the early summer, and I'd have to wait until September to start my journey. A number of my neighbors told me to just wait another year; only an idiot would leave in the fall. The temperature would drop quickly, and I'd soon find myself caught in one of Unova's famous winters. Being alone in the cold –even with a Fire-type Pokemon- could spell death for even the best trainers.

But I managed to keep my parents from hearing about any of that, and ignored the advice myself. My desire to get out of Nuvema was far stronger than my reasoning ability. Leaving at such an irrational time also meant that I would head out completely alone, with only my Pokemon by my side. There weren't any other trainers scheduled to leave the same day I was. I didn't care. As I said before, leaving that town was more important to me than anything else.

When the day finally came, my parents didn't show up to see me off. My younger sister had a dance lesson for my mom to see, and my dad had to catch a train to Castelia for work. I walked to the lab alone, filled with hatred for my parents. One of my older brothers offered to walk with me, but I told him I would be perfectly fine on my own and that he shouldn't treat me like a child anymore. At the time I felt like they were all doubting me, like they'd all figured I'd be back so soon it wasn't worth it to say goodbye.

The Professor handed me a PokeBall and said I didn't have a choice of Pokémon because of scheduling problems. Though my goal had never once been to catch and train Pokemon, I like to think my mind changed when I met Snowball. He was so kind and brave; he loved me unconditionally and trusted me unquestionably. Being the melodramatic and self-centered teenager I was at that point, I had it in my head that I'd never been truly loved before. I knew, right then and there, that Snowball was and would always be the best thing to ever happen to me.

We left Nuvema Town together, with six PokeBalls and a map of Unova in my backpack and a brand-new PokeDex deep in my right pocket. I had a few other things, but I'd always sucked at packing and so was incredibly ill-prepared for what lay ahead. It didn't take long for Snowball and I to meet our first companion, whom I may have permanently injured by hurling a PokeBall as hard as I could the second I saw him.

He was a noticeably small Lillipup named Nimitz. I loved him almost as much as I loved Snowball, beginning my philosophy that it was just my Pokemon and I against the world. We were all we had.

I spent a long time on Route One, hoping to make my friends as strong as I could before reaching Accumula Town. In that short stretch of road I saw incredible things. For the first time I felt like I was really being listened to, and the nights my team and I spent there were easily the happiest in my entire life. Having the freedom to do what I wanted with a team I so dearly loved made me feel genuinely whole.

But we knew we had to move on, and so we made our way into Accumula with our hopes and heads held high. There was a rally going on, but I ignored it and used the chance to get some rest at the nearly-emptied Pokemon Center. We spent a day there just sitting around and exploring the iconic building. I spent too much of my money on random items, attracted by their shininess and assuring myself that they'd come in handy later. I could tell Snowball and Nimitz were growing restless, so that night we left for Striaton City.

We didn't waste our time like we did on Route One, and reached the next city before midnight. Exhausted from several hours' worth of walking, my Pokemon and I fell asleep as soon as we landed on the beds the Center offered us. Though the temptation to waste a day sitting around again was strong, we knew we had to get down to the Dreamyard and start training to avoid getting too complacent.

To this day I don't understand why it's called that, with ruins more reminiscent of dreams broken than dreams forged. A pretty young woman there asked if I would adopt one of the Pokemon she'd rescued from abusive trainers. Angered at the very thought of someone deliberately hurting a Pokemon, I accepted a young Pansage with no questions asked. From then on I called him Selassie, and after giving a quick bow to Snowball and Nimitz they welcomed him with open arms.

The four of us spent the next day training and messing around in the Dreamyard. After a few hours I noticed my team was getting tired, so we agreed on just one more battle before heading back to the Pokemon Center. We spotted a Patrat in the tall grass and Nimitz quickly engaged it in battle.

I trusted Nimitz. I knew he wasn't the strongest thing ever, but I'd always had the feeling he was. Because we hadn't lost yet, I felt that we were invincible.

I've never forgiven myself for letting him die. Though Snowball and Selassie accepted that these things happen, knowing that I was responsible for the death of one of the things in this world I loved more than anything else broke something deep inside me. I collapsed to my knees while Snowball pummeled the Patrat into the ground. Slowly, I lifted Nimitz's body off the ground and held him tightly against my chest. I didn't cry. I was shocked and angry and riddled with guilt, but I didn't cry.

I brought my beloved Lillipup to the Pokemon Center and begged them to help him. I was growing hysterical, and two of the nurses came over to help calm me down. They honestly tried to help him, but I knew he was gone. I lay awake that entire night, watching Snowball and Selassie breathe for hours.

We went back to training the next day. I pushed Snowball to evolve, and made sure Selassie kept his strength up. They still trusted and obeyed me without any doubt, which hadn't scared me until then. Even though they knew I'd screwed up, they stayed loyal to me and never once went against my orders.

I didn't want to face the town's Gym Leaders, but my Pokemon encouraged me to. It was an easy victory, mostly due to our unnecessarily large amount of training. Snowball and Selassie were proud of themselves, but I could tell their attitudes had changed. Gone were my always-happy, easily excitable team mates. In their place were two solemn, careful Pokemon eager to please their bereaved trainer.

Nacrene City came and went like a dream. We spent very little time there, just long enough to pick up a badge and move on to our next location. Later on I realized what a shame that was, as apparently the city was very beautiful and worth going to just for the sights. But at that point I was so absorbed in my grief and guilt that I really didn't care. My Pokemon sensed this, and knew they needed to be strong for me.

Looking back, I wish I'd handled things differently. The world I'd entered wasn't what I expected, but it was no reason to walk around depressed for days on end. I know it's a cliché thing to say, but I feel like if I knew then what I know now things would've turned out differently for my Pokemon and me. I can't honestly say I regret the way my journey has shaped me, I just wish I'd learned my lessons sooner. I'll never stop blaming myself for Nimitz's untimely death, but the way I acted hurt Snowball and Selassie more than a battle ever could.

I've heard that Pokemon can sense a trainer's emotions, and are sometimes affected more strongly by a person's feelings than those of their fellow Pokemon. Maybe that's why Roosevelt came to us that day. He was a fat little thing, more so than usual for an Audino. But he could take a hit, and that's what I liked. He walked up to us just outside of Pinwheel Forest, and after a few moments of hostility between him and Snowball, they decided to respect each other and I threw a Great Ball in his general direction. He was caught easily, and for some reason I felt like the name Roosevelt just seemed to fit.

He proved himself to be not only rather strong, but also a much-needed breath of fresh air. His constant jolliness was at odds with the rest of us at first, but he got us laughing a few times and eventually we came to accept him. It helped that he was cute as a button.

We met our next team mate at the other edge of the forest, near the Skyarrow Bridge. He was also an easy catch, and found his place with the rest of us much faster than Roosevelt due to his reserved and cautious nature. However, I quickly discovered the little Pidove wasn't very strong. Though I still trained him as hard as anyone else, I knew he wouldn't see many battles. I named him Pattle, and kept him in a GreatBall close to my side.

Upon reaching Castelia we were stopped by a few men demanding to see my trainer's license. They glanced at it quickly and then told me to go directly to the Pokemon Center. Apparently there was some criminal activity going on, and until the problem was resolved most of the city would be blocked off and closed to visitors. Being told not to do things had always bothered me, especially when I wasn't told why.

But by the time I got settled in Castelia most of the danger was gone. The authorities started to open up the previously-blocked off streets, leaving very little to rebel against. In a few short hours the city was back to normal. My Pokemon and I took to the streets, exploring everything we were allowed to. Naturally, we didn't take too long to discover the Gym. I was encouraged by their bug-type theme, knowing I potentially had two Pokemon who would do rather well there. Still, we searched the city for trainers and fought everyone we could. I managed to get Pattle to evolve, but he still wasn't much stronger.

After several hours of training, we figured it was time to face the Gym Leader. He seemed a bit worn-out, having apparently just fought off some of the criminals in the area. The battle was easy enough, with Snowball doing most of the work. So far we'd been lucky, as we'd had a type advantage of some form or other over every gym leader. We got our badge, leaving the gym leader even more exhausted than when we arrived.

We spent one more night in the city, making sure to get a leaf stone from a local rock-collector before leaving. She'd spotted Selassie, and made sure we knew he couldn't evolve without one of her prized possessions. She charged us far too much for it, but at the time I was inclined to believe her when she said it was incredibly rare.

It took us more time than we would've liked to get through the desert, but at the very least we managed to get a new team mate. A large Sandile named Rommel. Like the rest of us he wasn't particularly talkative. Unlike the rest of us, he was very enthusiastic about battling. Snowball liked a good fight and everything, but Rommel _really _liked a good fight. He also had a very short fuse, and almost instantly picked a fight with Selassie. Roosevelt tried to step in, but Rommel was on a rampage. Eventually Snowball and I had to break it up, but I was incredibly surprised to see one of my Pokemon act so disrespectfully. Until then, whenever we picked up another team mate they would bow and begin trying to find their place within the team. Rommel did not bow, instead choosing to simply lock eyes with the other Pokemon. Snowball didn't seem to like this, and gave me a look of caution before I sent Rommel back to his PokeBall.

By the time we reached Nimbasa, night had fallen and the town was in full-swing. We needed some rest though, and headed straight for the Pokemon Center. Our time spent in Nimbasa wouldn't be worth mentioning had we not tried out the Battle Subway. They promised that no Pokemon could die in their facility, but they also couldn't gain any experience. After a bit of training, I decided to see what it was like. The station itself was surprisingly large, and I got disoriented quickly. I wandered into the Multi-Battle area, where two girls roughly the same age as me were arguing over whether or not they would take the challenge. A thin, pale-skinned brunette stood over a much curvier blonde, trying to get the other girl to be her partner.

For some reason, I hated the two girls instantly. The blonde came across as painfully stupid, while the brunette was just a bitch. Trying to ignore them, I asked the bored-looking woman at the counter how the multi-battles worked. She directed me to a sign, and I felt both angry at her for being so standoffish and annoyed with myself for not noticing the sign.

I read through the instructions and turned to leave when I realized I had no way of competing there. But someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned to look at the bitchy brunette from earlier. She asked me if I wanted to take the challenge with her, and I quickly and rudely told I didn't and it'd be great if she didn't bother people who didn't know her with such stupid requests. That seemed to catch her off guard, and her face lit up in embarrassment. Satisfied, I started to leave again. She called out to me, and, rolling my eyes dramatically, I asked her what she wanted.

After a while I gave in to her persistence. I signed up with Snowball and Roosevelt, both of whom seemed pretty excited. The girl had a Bisharp and an Eelektross, two Pokemon I'd never seen before. The loudspeaker that announced our battles said her name was Hilda. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard that, and she gave me a very pointed look.

Battle after battle passed, and the two of us worked rather well together. Though I'd never admit it at the time, I thought she was an excellent trainer. Her Pokemon trusted her fully, and were leagues ahead of mine in terms of strength. Yet still Snowball and Roosevelt held on, doing everything they could in terms of support. Eventually we reached the end of the line, and the subway bosses stood before us. I was incredibly excited, and felt more alive than I had in days. I didn't say that or even give her the impression that was how I felt, but it was.

The Bosses were incredibly difficult and after a few turns both Eelektross and Snowball were "retired", leaving just her Bisharp and Roosevelt. We tried our hardest, and got the Bosses down to just one Pokemon each. But our teams were incredibly tired, and Roosevelt could last much longer. When it looked like we about to lose, Hilda's Bisharp performed one last Hail Mary move that involved sacrificing Roosevelt. Because of her daring idea, we managed to win. But I was incredibly pissed off. For the first time in my life I tried not to show it, but I couldn't help but still be rude to her. The worst part was that I'd actually taken a liking to my battle partner, and she was one of the few people I'd met so far I wouldn't mind seeing again.

But after some victory pictures, she sat me down and told me I was a terrible person. Right there, on a bench, in the battle subway, in front of everyone. I tried arguing with her, but I knew everything she said was right. Snowball started to stand up for me, but her Bisharp blocked him. She berated me for not knowing how to be nice to people, and said I wouldn't have gotten half as far on the line without her. She started to storm away, but I kept yelling at her. I saw her blonde friend run up beside her and shoot me a dirty look. Unable to control myself, I insulted the girl in the worst way I could think of. I felt a sudden, sharp pain in my cheek, and realized that Hilda had come back just to hit me. She smacked me again for good measure, then grabbed her friend's wrist and bolted out of the subway.

Roosevelt, Pattle and Rommel were by my side instantly, while Snowball and Selassie went to shoo away the crowd that had gathered. I sank down onto the bench, burying my face in my hands. My Pokemon tried to reassure me, but I couldn't escape the thought that she was right. Everything I'd been trying to escape came back to me at full-force, and I tried to avoid it all by making my mind go numb.

It didn't work, and I spent the night in the subway station.

We finished Nimbasa up as fast as we could, earning our badge in a surprisingly difficult battle before making our way to the Driftveil Drawbridge. It was lowered when we got there, and we crossed it quickly. Towards the end of the bridge, Roosevelt spotted a little Duckling sitting on one of the crossbeams. I gave a halfhearted, but success attempt at catching it, named her Bismarck, and got on with my life.

I found a message waiting for me on my computer when I reached Driftveil's Pokemon Center. It was from Hilda. She said she wanted to apologize for everything that happened in Nimbasa, and she completely understood if I never wanted to see her again. She said she thought I was an amazing trainer, but I didn't believe her. People say things like that all the time just to be nice.

I wanted to call her, I really did, but a big part of me said it was wrong to just give in like that. I spent the whole night thinking about what that meant.

We began training the next day. We ventured into the cold storage, which was only getting closer the faster winter came, and started doing what we do best. Snowball, Pattle, and Bismarck all evolved to their final forms, while Rommel became a somehow even more obnoxious Krokorok. My heart skipped a beat when the first Pokemon we came across was a Herdier. I stood there for a few seconds, just staring at it. Eventually I threw a QuickBall at it, and named her MacArthur.

But I couldn't train the Pokemon Nimitz should've become. I apologized as I sent her to the PC, promising myself I would never let anything bad ever happen to her. We went back to training, and by the time we faced the Ground-type gym leader we were well overpowered. I don't know why, but after he gave us our badge I asked him if he'd seen a brunette named Hilda. He begrudgingly told me she'd beaten him a few weeks ago, and that she was most likely in either Icirrus or Opelucid by now. I found it surprisingly easy to resist making fun of him for losing to a little girl.

For some reason, hearing about Hilda made me feel a little better, and we left Driftveil on a high note. Between there and Mistralton we picked up two new team mates: Eisenhower the Deerling and Einstein the Klink. They were both sent to the PC, but I knew I'd pick them up later.

Mistralton wasn't a very big city, but I thought it was cool that the airplanes I'd always looked up to were from there. I didn't want to waste any time though. I traded Selassie for Eisenhower and Pattle for Einstein while in the Pokemon Center. Though it felt strange to be depositing two of the Pokemon who'd been with me the longest, I had a dark thought that if anything should ever happen to the rest of my team I'd want two of my oldest partners waiting there for me.

Eisenhower and I had an almost instant connection. It was like he knew what I wanted him to do before I asked him to do it. He evolved quickly, and I couldn't help but marvel at how amazing he looked. Winter was nearly upon us, so his coat was thick and dark with a fluffy chest and glistening white antlers. I rarely contained him in his PokeBall, instead preferring to show him off every chance I got.

But where Eisenhower and I were like twins, I just couldn't connect with Einstein. He was standoffish, yet rude and disrespectful like Rommel. Any moments we had where I thought we were getting along were ruined by him doing something incredibly unkind or offensive. He frequently picked fights with Snowball, who did everything he could to stay in control of himself. But I needed him for the next gym leader. He was my only Pokemon capable of learning electric-type attacks, without which I would have a very hard time against flying-types.

After Einstein evolved, the battle with the local gym leader was as easy as they come. I was eager to put him back in the PC, but I just couldn't find a more suitable substitute. So we headed for Route 7 with the vulgar Klang in tow, though I kept him contained as often as I could.

Twist Mountain loomed before us. We wasted far too much time putting off climbing it, and by the time we ventured inside it was already late-afternoon. The mountain itself was freezing cold, and I had to have Snowball out at all times for warmth. I walked right up against him, shivering violently.

We managed to make it out of the entrance cave, only to find a valley of snow before us. It was getting dark, so most of the people working there had long left. We tried cave after cave, struggling to locate a way out. I strained my eyes to see in the darkness, tried to calm my chattering teeth so I could listen to our surroundings. We exited yet another cave, Snowball practically on top me as we walked across the snowy valley into an as-yet unexplored area on the other side. I felt something cool and wet on my cheek, and felt my heart skip a beat. Looking up, I saw the dull moonlight peeking out from behind heavy clouds, pale white snowflakes falling down around us.

It didn't take long for the gentle snowfall to escalate into a full-fledged blizzard. We holed up in a cave, Snowball serving as our source of both heat and light. I sniffled and coughed, arms wrapping tightly around my torso and face burning with the cold. Snowball held me tightly against him, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't prepared for this. Now my inability to pack for myself was coming back to bite me. How could I be so stupid? How could I not think to pack a heavier jacket?

Once again, I felt the urge to cry but was unable to. I wanted to send out Eisenhower to help keep me warm, but my hands were too cold and in too much pain. And as I sat there, leaning against my first Pokemon, the one thing I loved more than anything else, I had a terrifying thought: we were all going to die in here. With snow this bad, no one would be up here for days. I'd freeze to death and my Pokemon would be trapped in their PokeBalls forever.

A few weeks before I would've thought no one would mourn me, and that that would be terrible. Now freezing to death with my best friend in a cave, the far more horrible thought was that I _would_ be mourned. My family would be shocked to find out I'd done something so stupid, but would never be able to get over the fact that I was gone. Selassie and Pattle would be alone, without a trainer and a home. Snowball would never die like this, but he'd never be the same. The thought of causing him pain in any way made my heart ache. And once again I thought of Nimitz, I thought of my biggest mistake. I'd wanted to live for him, but now I'd failed to do that too. I'd failed him in the worst way….I thought about the two girls I'd seen in Nimbasa. They would only remember me as that one asshole who screamed terrible things at complete strangers.

A thought struck me then. I didn't want to be remembered that way. I didn't want to be remembered as The One Who Tried and Failed. I wanted to be something much more than that. I'd only started this journey as a way to escape Nuvema, but it had become so much more than that. I'd discovered things about myself I never would have otherwise, learned that I was a much better trainer than I'd ever imagined. I'd learned I did awful things, that I could hurt people with the things I said.

I wasn't about to let that all slip away. With chattering teeth, I ordered Snowball outside of the cave. He looked at me, that same unconditional trust in his eyes, and stepped outside. It took a few tries, but eventually I managed to tell him to shoot a torrent of flame in the general direction of Icirrus. He let off a few, but they weren't big enough. I called him back in, and had him take Roosevelt's GreatBall off my belt loop. Urging my fingers to do their job, I pressed the button on top of it twice.

Snowball and Roosevelt stood beside each other at the mouth of the cave, loosing huge streams of flame high into the air. The flames lit up the inside of the cave, cast a brilliant light on the snowflakes swirling down from the sky. I could feel the warmth from where I was sitting. Roosevelt was clapping now, and I cracked a small smile. They flames were growing more powerful with his help.

The clapping became a rhythmic noise, mixing with the sounds of the flames and the wind to create a strange sort of song. I wanted my other Pokemon to see it, but knew they were safer where they were. The music grew faster as the two worked harder, unleashing greater and greater blasts with escalating frequency. The result was a beautiful melody, almost like a lullaby.

When I was found nine hours later, Snowball and Roosevelt were curled up tight, keeping each other warm. The two were airlifted to Castelia's massive Pokemon Center complex. I asked for them when I awoke the next morning, but they told me my dearest friends were better off with the experts.

I'd been brought to Icirrus, which houses one of the few Pokemon Centers capable of treating human hypothermia and frostbite. They kept me there for much longer than I would've liked, but who was I to complain?

Rommel, Bismarck, Eisenhower, and Einstein were near me the entire time, as well as a small Cubchoo who had apparently become friends with Snowball and Roosevelt during the blizzard. I named her Raskova, but didn't actually catch her because I didn't want her sent to the PC.

My mother came to visit the day before I was released. She just sat there and held me for a really long time. I even held her back at one point. She apologized for not speaking to me earlier, and vowed to try harder. But I couldn't be angry with her. I had six other siblings, and she had no help. I couldn't expect her to give me everything I wanted all the time.

I still didn't see my father. As much as I hate to admit it, part of me still holds a grudge against him. It's just too hard to let go. Maybe one day I'll actually get over myself and try to talk to work things out. I like to think that day isn't too far off, but I guess I won't know until I actually try.

After a few days I tried contacting Hilda again. I didn't get through, but I left a message. I want her to think I've changed, but I didn't know how to say that without sounding cheesy. Eventually I learned that she'd since become the League Champion, and had stopped Team Plasma from using Zekrom or Reshiram (I can't quite remember) to destroy Unova. Admittedly, I felt a little star struck. Not only had I met her, I'd fought battles alongside her. I could even attest to her strength as a trainer.

When I finally got to see Snowball and Roosevelt, we just sort of sat there beside each other for a long time. I knew that no matter what I did, it could never measure up what they did for me. I loved them more than anything else, and I'd give my life for them in a heartbeat.

I used to honestly believe that leaving home would bring me nothing but happiness. I now know you can never truly leave home, because wherever you go, home will always be right by your side.


End file.
